Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's like God shit irony all over that family
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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