i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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