wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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