I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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