That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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