the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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