Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
