I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
