He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
