White coat. Heels.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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