I accidentally burped into my bong.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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