mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
