I smell stomach acid.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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