Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
