Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
