Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
