dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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