I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
