First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
