If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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