Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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