Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
