Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
