dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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