I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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