she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
