i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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