mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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