I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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