I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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