Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
