just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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