I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
