please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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