Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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