When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
