"it" just moved
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I checked into jail on foursquare
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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