In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
