She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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