Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
