She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
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You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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