If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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