Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
a search helicopter?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
