Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
