i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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