Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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