You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
