We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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