Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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