haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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