he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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