This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
