just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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