Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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