My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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