my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
