I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
