She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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