I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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