I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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