you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?