the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
