Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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