Ketchup is God's man juice
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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