I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
