Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize