he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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