I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
