sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
