she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it's like iHOP with fire
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
