Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
