eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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