you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
