Joe is yelling at the trees again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize